According to a secret girlfriend, Amy Winehouse struggled with her feelings for women.
Amy Winehouse, according to a woman who had a brief fling with her, secretly struggled with her sexuality.
Amy Winehouse's incredible music was occasionally overshadowed by her chaotic personal life.
Now, ten years after her death, Catriona Gourlay, one of Amy's female lovers, has revealed in a new film that the singer was "confused" by her complex sexuality.
Catriona says the star, who was married to Blake Fielder-Civil from 2007 to 2009 and dated film director Reg Traviss for a year prior to her death, was perplexed by her strong feelings for other women in the upcoming BBC documentary Reclaiming Amy, which premieres on July 23.
Catriona explains in the documentary, "Our relationship was so singular, so undefined. We simply adored one another. Knowing her, I deduced that she was perplexed by how it affected her. It's difficult to define something that has been undefined for years. She used to leave notes for me while I slept, saying things like, 'You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen,' and 'How do you look as beautiful asleep as you do awake?'
According to Catriona, Amy once stated to an interviewer, "I'm not a lesbian until I've had three sambucas."
Amy's friend described the pair as "silly children running around London doing naughty things we didn't want our parents to know about."
Naomi Parry, Amy's friend and stylist, explains: "It was just a funny thing... Cat and Amy would sleep together, and we would all laugh, and that would be the end of it.”
Catriona admits through tears that she would have "done anything" to save the singer, but felt their fling had taken a toll on her.
Catriona, who was an aspiring television presenter at the time of her affair with Amy, explains: "It's the thing that I believe is so critical in understanding her and the things that bothered her."
Perhaps people are unaware that there were other relationships in her life in which someone truly cared about her and would have done anything to make her happy.”
One scene in the film provides a somber glimpse into Amy's battle with alcoholism. “What makes me laugh?” she is heard saying. Nothing. When I'm intoxicated, I find everything quite amusing. When I'm sober, all I can say is, 'F**k off! 'Abandon me!'
Chantelle Dusette, another friend, explains: "I'd see her drinking to feel normal, and when she wasn't drinking, she'd be anxious."
Amy's drug abuse was widely known by 2005, and she sought treatment in response to family and friend pleas. Janis, her mother, says in the documentary, "We thought the worst was over, but there was something we missed."
Amy "changed her addiction" – from drugs to alcohol – Naomi claims, because she "didn't want to admit she had mental health issues."
“The alcoholism was a side effect of something much more serious that needed to be addressed, and that was mental health issues,” she continues.
Naomi believes Amy feared they would "lock her up" if they discovered her inner turmoil.
“She was prone to addiction,” Janis explains. She was powerless to stop herself; it is a particularly vicious beast.”
Mitch, Amy's father, reveals that "so many family interventions" occurred – a "horrible experience" for everyone involved, including Amy.
“Amy was gravely ill, and I attempted to have her sectioned,” he explains. She seemed to be bouncing off the walls. When our doctor arrived, the episode had passed and she was able to tell them exactly what they wanted to hear due to her intelligence.” Mitch asserts that his daughter's wealth, approximately $6.3 million at the time of her death, made it difficult for loved ones to communicate with her.
Janis sobs as she explains how her own battle with multiple sclerosis prevented her from caring for Amy.
Janis explains, "That was the most horrific part – watching your child vanish and die." I could only observe, observe, and wait.”
Amy was discovered dead on July 23, 2011 in her North London home, surrounded by three empty vodka bottles. She was 27 years old.
Her former residence has become a shrine for fans.
Naomi, who lived with Amy during her final weeks, claims the singer attempted to exorcise her demons numerous times.
She continues, "There were extended periods of sobriety, but they were interspersed with weeks of binge drinking." That house was constantly in and out of use. Everybody was completely out of their depth.”
Mitch explains, "Eventually, her alcoholism got the better of her, and the last time she went on a bender, she died."
“I look back and see a lot of things I wish I had done differently,” he continues.
The Amy Winehouse Foundation was founded shortly after her death to assist young people struggling with addiction and mental health.
To critics who blame him for her death, Mitch responds, "There is no perpetrator; the perpetrator is the addiction." It was more potent than any amount of love that anyone could give.”
Catriona asserts that it is a "misconception" that Amy's parents "let her get on with things" as her difficulties grew worse.
“She could not have been more closely observed than she was.”
Naomi explains, "There was a core group of people who worked tirelessly to get her better. Therefore, to have someone assert that you did not care enough, that nobody cared, is a load of bulls**t.”
Chantelle describes Amy's fierce spirit as follows: "She was a lion, a lioness, you know what I mean?" True, she was weak – but she was not frail.”
Amy, Mitch notes, "crammed a lot into her 27 years."
“What irritates and upsets me the most is when people tell me, 'What a wasted life.' I respond, 'Yeah, don't speak to me that way.' Is your life being squandered? Five Grammy Awards? She did not squander her life.'